I know I have talked about this a little recently in my FB or IG posts. I also know this is something I am currently still “in” & am trying to find a more solid ground. Postpartum depression is real, and it is something that we need to be able to talk about. It is scary and it is very lonely.
When I had Kalies I had thoughts I had never had before. I was very quite about it all until I felt safe and like I had come back into my own skin. This time everything has been quite different. I am sure the combination of everything has aided this role and intensity. Many have had a baby, and many have faced PPD. I personally feel like it is harder to relate to others on this issue or even to open up because it is hard for me to feel like my situation can be felt by everyone. I am writing this as a release, as a way to get it out in the open, talk about it, grow for it and move on. And if it is able to help others on the way, that is an added bonus.
These last 5+ months I have felt deeper sadness than I have ever had to walk through. I have felt as though my worth has been majorly challenged, as though I am not living up to where I once was or should be, as though I could be easily replaceable or unmissed. These are horrible feelings to have & I would never wish them on another soul. It is super hard as a mother to have these feelings come up. “We are women, we were made to do this!”, these are things that are said and while I completely agree, these messages are stuck in the back of your head and then you feel like “what the hell is wrong with me?”. Recognizing and stepping out of your comfort zone and being able to talk about this are incredibly hard things to do but huge in this recovery. I have off days, but not as many. I want to share little/big steps I have been taking to better my being. I am trying everyday to make a conscious decision to see good, to smile more and to let go of negative thought. Your everyday thoughts are an enormous game changer. Keeping a positive thought train and positive energy will better your life and those around you. I have watched my overall feeling and gloom seep into my babies worlds and I have watched as I make an effort to change what that does for them. Surrounding yourself with only positive people and energy, read books that make you feel on a deeper level and open up new thought process. Watch shows that make you happy, like deep down happy. Either that make your heart smile or your belly hurt from laughter. Go through your FB and IG and only follow pages or people who will lift you higher, not drag you down. Eat better food, get outside and feel the sunshine or dirt by your toes, You might think I am crazy but those two things are enormous! And lastly, do not be afraid to say goodbye to those who might not be on your same path. You can always hold love for them in your heart but I truly believe every situation you go through or person you meet is there for a reason or a season, & sometimes that season is over, and that is ok.
Live your life in a positive light, you never know how much your seemingly small steps can be huge to another person and their own personal journey.