Children’s Hospital and straight anxiety

stuartfam(147of162)The day came. The day I have been dreading. The surgeon’s office called to set up pre-op, I wish so badly we could skip this.

Kenai needs to have a cleft palate repair. He also will be having a few other repairs preformed the same time with a urologist which will make the total surgery time around six hours and will also be a harder recovery.  I am dreading this on a giant scale. I have been warned palate repair on its own is quite a painful process. I also will be handing him off to his daddy and he will be staying with him after surgery, that thought kills me already. Not because I am worried that he won’t get the very best love and care, just that I have been then one to comfort him for the most part in a hospital setting. This time however with a nursing baby, I will be staying down the street with our other 4 kids at the Ronald McDonald House most of the time, while Darren is at Primary Children’s with Kenai. I know everything will be ok, but I still wish I could be two places at once.

When the guy called today to set up surgery he started off with dates starting end of May. Kenai is nearly 18 months now, I know the typical age for repair is usually around a year but I don’t want to start  our summer out with a surgery. Our other kids have been so amazing, understanding & selfless each and everytime we have had to switch up our typical world for Kenai. I want to have our summer with all of our kids, as care free as possible, I feel like it is the most important thing to focus on right now, I feel like we owe them that. We will be going for post up in just over a month and then back up to Salt Lake City for surgeries the first part of August.  I’m gearing myself up for these dates. Once you have expereienced trauma centered around your baby, in a hospital, the thought of returning is haunting. I cannot wait until we can go a few years without a hospital stay, which after this set should be 4-5 years.

I do however want to say how grateful I am for the medical field who has helped our tiny guy so much & I do know that in the long run these repairs will make Kenai’s life easier but I still feel every emotion just the same. I strongly believe if you allow yourself to feel the emotions that run through you, life is better. The trick however is to not let your emotions get stuck in a downward slope, feel the feels and then powerthrough and see the good! I am anxious, incredidbly anxious. But I can’t let those feelings over power me. I will however miss this cleft, it is a part of him, and in my eyes this boy is amazing just the way he is.

Author: kasstu

I am a wifey & have been with my husband since 2001, we have 5 amazing kids who I have been able to stay home & raise. Life is a constant lesson & I'm thankful for the growth. Trying to remember to see the good in all things & to trust my journey. 💚

One thought on “Children’s Hospital and straight anxiety”

  1. I will miss the cleft too. I can’t remember if we spoke about it or not but that shit hits hard! He’s perfect in my eyes.

    Like

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